Posts by Jesus Christ

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

Does it annoy you when Christians keep asking "What Would Jesus Do?"

Yes, incredibly. Its usually just how does some stuffy, uptight, and boring person want to project themselves onto me. It really annoys me when silly humans (and its usually only done by the most silly humans who do this) seem to think that I'm some boring guy who never gets drunk and goes home with whatever ladies will have me and only wants to sit around and sing praises to dad all day long. Its not like ol' Spanky needs me to feel good about himself, he just looks at Jennifer Lopez to see all the great things that he's made.

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

Hey, what can I say? I get busy handling prayers and protecting people and what not so I have to have somebody come in and type stuff out for me so I can keep my hands free to play video games (Gran Turismo). He just types stuff out although he can certainly get things mixed up from time to time. For example, I would just like to go on record as saying that at no time have I ever said that I shave gorillas as a side job. Play with them as a hobby, yes, but no shaving them to make money. I was trying to make a point about when I'll be coming making my network TV debut and that idiot typist got it confused. Oh well, he now has an extra nipple on his forehead because of that incident.

40

what would jesus say if he inspected this place?

by comforter in

jw
friends

woe, woe, woe!

Jesus Christ

Hey, all I know is you asked what would Jesus say if he came on this board and inspected it. If you look to the left of this post you'll see that I am Jesus and I'm answering your question. Don't be upset if you don't like it. I'll also have you know that I don't exactly appreciate you trying to put words that you may like into my mouth. You don't see me going around stating things like "Comforter says that he enjoys oral sex with goats" so please don't say that I would think anything negative about all the fine people (you not included) that post here.

Idiot.

Edited to add "Poop is often found in the toilet." See, I can have a clever little tag at the end of my post too.

Edited by - Jesus Christ on 24 October 2002 3:40:22

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

I can start doing more concert reviews if you like!!! The guy who types this stuff out for me goes to a lot of them.

Last was Incubus. Good live act, tight performance, great effects, wife was turned on by shirtless singer who is apparently hot, fun crowd, would definitely see again even though he's not a big fan.

Saw Nelly not too long ago also. Show was horrible. The stage only had a stand for the DJ, no live music (all on tape), country concerts have more bass, people on stage that nobody really knew what they were doing (standing? handing out towels to performers? Nelly's friend from high school who wanted to get laid?), it was basicaly kareoke (however you spell that) with the guy who actually does the songs on stage and the lights and everything were about as good.

Missed Paul Westerberg due to idiot stoner friend who decided to sit around and get high all day instead of go to the concert. No longer friend.

Looking forward to Creed in a few weeks and Pearl Jam next summer.

105

Please participate in my survey

by Zechariah in

jw
friends

i have received inquiries about how i was trained by spirit as a psychologist.

i was led to many sources of enlightenment.

books routinely was i led to that it was important i read.

Jesus Christ

V=IR

(Ohms law for all you non-electrical people out there)

Does that count?

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

Tera,
You wouldn't have those urges unless we were giving them to you and your hands are most certainly in the right place. Pleasure yourself all you want without any feelings of guilt knowing that dad and I are getting off on watching you, many other women, and especially Jennifer Lopez (who screams out Jeeeezus), doing the deed to themselves. We used to really enjoy watching Shirley Manson (singer from Garbage) but since she went from a glamorous and stylish type red hed to short blond punk rocker she's just not that great anymore. One of the best concerts the guy who types this out for me ever went to was when he had floor seats right up front for a Smashing Pumpkins concert that Garbage was opening. Shirley Manson + short skirt that's right about eye level when she bends down + horny teenager = pissed off girlfriend. Oh yeah, Smashing Pumpkins were great too.

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

Beer; no
Vodka; yes; Smirnof

Am I always this arrogant? Yes. Come on, I'm the savior of all mankind. One of the most popular holy books in the world is about me. I can walk on water. Jennifer Lopez calls my name out during sex. How can you not be arrogant in cases like that?

Anybody else?

31

What would I do?

by Jesus Christ in

jw
friends

hello my children.

there have been some posts today debating what i might say in certain situations.

to make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how i may react or respond to certain situations i thought i would just start a thread to answer all your questions.

Jesus Christ

Hello my children.
There have been some posts today debating what I might say in certain situations. To make things easy for all of you that may have questions for how I may react or respond to certain situations I thought I would just start a thread to answer all your questions.
Ask any questions of me that you would like. I'm feeling chatty and am enjoying the world series (go Giants!) so I will continue to respond until I hit my limit.
Dad bless you.

Edited by - Jesus Christ on 23 October 2002 23:32:22

22

What Would Jesus Say If He Came For Inspection?

by minimus in

jw
friends

if jesus did come to inspect the faithful and discreet slave, what would he say?

Jesus Christ

I'd say they're a bunch of morons.

Why didn't you just ask me to begin with instead of wondering what I'd say? You mortals are so silly.

40

what would jesus say if he inspected this place?

by comforter in

jw
friends

woe, woe, woe!

Jesus Christ

Oh yeah, normaly I wouldn't waste my time by encouraging, or even reading, posts by trolls like this but I felt that I needed to reply to this thread because it addresses me directly and this moron is trying to put words in my mouth.